SYMPATHY DEFINITION:A sensitivity to the circumstances of others that results in a desire to offer support NOTES:Sympathy and empathy are close in nature but aren’t the same. Sympathy is felt more at a surface level, meaning a person can provide support without feeling personally invested. On the other hand, empathy is a deeper manifestation where a shared emotional experience makes the moment highly personal and meaningful. For ideas on the latter, please view the EMPATHY entry. PHYSICAL SIGNALS AND BEHAVIORS: Kind words A soothing tone of voice Telling someone that it will be okay Patting someone’s back Swallowing before speaking Moving closer; entering another’s personal space (if they are open to it) Squeezing a hand and then letting go Offering a deep sigh and thoughtful expression A parting hug that lasts longer than normal An understanding nod Eyes narrowing, the eyebrows pulling down in concentration Asking what the person needs and how one can help Offering the bright side:At least now we know, orIt could have been worse. Pulling someone against your shoulder (if the relationship is close) Stroking or smoothing someone’s hair Clumsy attempts to comfort (a weak smile, an awkward hug, etc.) Fumbling for words Patting a leg in comfort Leaning in or scooting closer Offering a listening ear Sitting in silence together because one doesn’t know what to say Phrasing questions in a positive way to make the other person feel better Bringing up something that will comfort:Your son is coming this weekend, right? Sitting with one’s knees touching the other person’s Bringing a box of tissue or a cup of tea, unasked Floundering hand movements Handling distractions (answering the phone, etc.) so the other person won’t have to Apologizing—not out of accountability but to voice the unfairness of the situation Offering the advice of a relative or friend:As my uncle used to say… Fussing over the person’s appearance while speaking in encouraging tones Listening intently while ignoring discomforts (cold, rain, heat, etc.) Listening with one’s arms crossed over the chest Leaning in awkwardly with the hands in the pockets, asking if things are okay Looking elsewhere while listening, so as not to make the other person unduly uncomfortable Offering to take the other person somewhere—a walk, a car ride, to hang out—as a distraction Running defense for the person (making excuses on their behalf, telling people that their concerns can wait since the person needs a few moments, etc.) Agreeing, even if the person is being irrational INTERNAL SENSATIONS: Feeling emotionally drained An overall weighted feeling A slower heartbeat An ache in the throat MENTAL RESPONSES: Wishing one could alleviate the emotional pain Uncertainty about what to say Putting diplomacy above honesty Forcing oneself to listen without judgment Worrying that this event could happen again, particularly to oneself or loved ones Seeing the contrast and having a sudden appreciation for one’s good fortune Offering up prayers on their behalf A narrowed focus that allows one to solely concentrate on the other person Relief that one is not experiencing the same challenges ACUTE OR LONG-TERM RESPONSES FOR THIS EMOTION: Obsessive thoughts on how to fix the situation The mind turning often to the person Employing clichés:This too will pass, Keep your chin up, etc. Giving comfort through gifts or plying the person with food or attention Devoting time, money, or energy into helping the person navigate this situation SIGNS THAT THIS EMOTION IS BEING SUPPRESSED: A hand that lifts towards the person, then lowers Speaking often of the person or situation Saying nothing overtly but privately praying for the person Smiling or sharing a look but not offering verbal support Watching at a distance, hoping for change MAY ESCALATE TO:Empathy,Sadness,Love,Gratitude,Worry MAY DE-ESCALATE TO:Indifference,Denial ASSOCIATED POWER VERBS: Advise, cheer up, comfort, commiserate counsel, dote, encourage, fuss hug, listen, motivate, observe pat, protect, smile, soothe squeeze WRITER’S TIP:Emotions usually don’t jump from mild to extreme in a short period of time. To gain the reader’s trust, lay the proper foundation and show how stressors can lead to a greater intensity.