SELF-PITY DEFINITION:A self-indulgent preoccupation with one’s problems or complaints; feeling sorry for oneself PHYSICAL SIGNALS AND BEHAVIORS: An overall downcast countenance Frowning Flaccid or sagging muscles Rounded shoulders Slumped posture Shuffling footsteps Plodding or trudging along Eyes that lack sparkle or shine Deep sighs A flat, emotionless voice Sitting slouched in a chair, the head propped on one’s hand Sleeping too much or not enough Doodling on paper or sketching shapes with one’s finger on a desk Complaining about one’s circumstances Dissolving into tears over one’s situation Becoming more animated when one is discussing one’s problems Being unable to laugh at oneself; taking oneself too seriously One-upping others:Oh, you think that’s bad? I’d trade places with you any day. Fishing for compliments Posting cryptic social media messages to encourage sympathy and attention Not fussing with one’s appearance Withdrawing from others Seeking comfort from others; needing validation Melodramatic responses to circumstances Apathy toward other people and their problems Trying to pull others into one’s drama Frequently calling friends to “help” one through a difficult situation Blaming others for one’s misfortunes; not taking responsibility for one’s own actions Always turning the conversation back to oneself Constantly talking about past glory days (before everything went sideways) instead of focusing on the way ahead and improving one’s situation Railing against perceived enemies (a certain person, a group of people, God, etc.) Self-destructive behaviors, such as drinking excessively or abusing medication A tendency to overreact and personalize things (e.g., viewing an innocent slight as an attack) Overindulging to boost one’s mood (shopping for a pick-me-up gift, eating treats, etc.) INTERNAL SENSATIONS: A feeling of heaviness that won’t lift (the physical manifestations of emotional pain) Feeling energized when discussing one’s misfortunes (adrenaline spikes) Pain in the throat when one is crying or trying not to cry MENTAL RESPONSES: Difficulty empathizing with others Comparing one’s situation with other people’s Believing that one is being persecuted or targeted in some way A sense of despair; believing that things will never get better Always seeing the bad in situations Believing that the worst-case scenario will come to be Not seeing one’s reality clearly; being prone to exaggeration Believing untruths about oneself (that one is incapable, a victim, stupid, etc.) Craving a happier path but being afraid to pursue it (fear of failure and hurt) ACUTE OR LONG-TERM RESPONSES FOR THIS EMOTION: Becoming isolated Becoming codependent on those who offer sympathy and support Purposely or subconsciously making choices that ensure a negative outcome (so one can continue to feel sorry for oneself and receive sympathy from others) Becoming depressed Losing friends who are drained by one’s constant negativity Giving up on long-term goals or dreams because one believes they’re out of reach Bitterness and resentment Self-loathing (if one recognizes the unhealthy need for other peoples’ validation but feels unable to change) An inability to move forward because one is so focused on past slights and unfairnesses SIGNS THAT THIS EMOTION IS BEING SUPPRESSED: Inquiring about other people’s problems and feigning interest in them Forcing oneself to socialize with others Not talking (to avoid calling attention to one’s problem) Smiling and laughing a lot Speaking in a bright and happy voice Being purposely animated in one’s movements and gestures Not mentioning one’s problems but being negative about other things MAY ESCALATE TO:Worthlessness,Defeat,Depressed,Self-Loathing MAY DE-ESCALATE TO:Insecurity,Powerlessness ASSOCIATED POWER VERBS: Blame, brood, cling, complain drown, excuse, falter, forfeit grieve, gripe, grouse, justify lament, mope, mourn, pout stew, sulk, wallow, whine WRITER’S TIP:When working to evoke an emotional response from readers, choose words with care. Language choices will color the mood and influence what readers feel as they read.