SELF-LOATHING DEFINITION:Intense dislike or even hatred for oneself NOTES:Self-loathing can manifest through seemingly contrasting behaviors. Some characters may seem guilt-ridden and deserving of pain, while others act aggressively to mask their feelings of self-hatred and low worth. PHYSICAL SIGNALS AND BEHAVIORS: Crying or often being on the verge of tears Apologizing for failures and mistakes Trying too hard to please Looking to others for reassurance:Is this right?orShould I do this? Having impossible expectations for oneself Accepting punishments without question Scrutinizing flaws (grabbing at a non-existent roll of fat, obsessing over pimples, etc.) Believing the cruel words of others Feeling guilt at experiencing pleasure or a happy moment Walking with one’s head down Doing small things that hurt (scratching one’s arm, pinching, digging a nail into one’s flesh, etc.) Self-sabotage (talking too much but being unable to stop, telling lies no one believes, etc.) Slumped posture Keeping one’s arms tight to the sides, not taking up space Avoiding social situations Keeping a wide personal space barrier Adhering to a routine Dismissing compliments:Someone else would have done a better job, orAre you kidding? My project looks terrible! Seeking out negative attention (e.g., drinking too much) Being unresponsive or speaking very little Wearing clothing that is unflattering or attracts the wrong sort of attention Gesturing without energy (e.g., nodding toward something rather than pointing at it) Verbalizing one’s flaws:I break anything I touch, orIf I try and fix your hair I’ll just ruin it. An absence of smiles and facial expressions Taking stupid risks in the hopes of being caught and punished Adopting destructive habits such as pill popping, smoking, or drinking Choosing friendships with negative people (who engage in mean gossip, bullying, etc.) Being argumentative Avoiding being touched Using sarcasm to hurt others and keep them away INTERNAL SENSATIONS: Body aches and a feeling of heaviness Fatigue An upset stomach Normal pains that one ignores (believing that the pain is deserved) MENTAL RESPONSES: Negative thoughts:I’m so stupid, orI mess everything up. Envying others, then feeling guilt for wanting what they have Constant self-critical assessments:I can’t wear this shirt. Look at my scrawny arms! Desiring connection but feeling unworthy:Who am I kidding? She wouldn’t look twice at me. Having little motivation to make one’s life better Focusing intensely on one’s emotional or physical pain A desire to escape or disappear ACUTE OR LONG-TERM RESPONSES FOR THIS EMOTION: Developing an eating disorder Self-mutilation, such as cutting Thoughts of suicide Suicide attempts Overmedicating with drugs or alcohol Being trapped in a lifestyle where one is devalued (in the sex industry, with an abusive partner, etc.) SIGNS THAT THIS EMOTION IS BEING SUPPRESSED: Overachieving (setting high goals but taking no pleasure in meeting them) Pushing oneself past reasonable limits as a form of punishment Avoiding people and relationships Hoarding behaviors MAY ESCALATE TO:Depressed,Despair MAY DE-ESCALATE TO:Worthlessness,Insecurity,Conflicted,Hopefulness ASSOCIATED POWER VERBS: Abuse, belittle, blame, bully curse, degrade, despise, discredit hate, humiliate, mock, punish ridicule, sabotage, scoff, shame taunt WRITER’S TIP:Regret is a difficult emotion, one that is felt both in the moment and in the long-term. What old regrets have power over your character, steering their actions and decisions? Think about how these can become part of the story so your character can learn to let go of them.