DENIAL DEFINITION:A refusal to acknowledge truth or reality PHYSICAL SIGNALS AND BEHAVIORS: Engaging in verbal disagreements Backing away Vigorous head shaking Waving someone off Dialogue in the negative:Don’t blame me,orI had nothing to do with it. Speaking emphatically with finger pointing or other hard gestures Raising one’s palms Shrugging Tucking in the upper lip Arms crossing one’s chest Placing a hand against the breastbone A slackened mouth Speaking rapidly and not letting others get a word in Rationalizing or justifying Shuffling backward Speaking slowly and stretching out one’s words:What? No way! Leaning back and creating space Warding someone or something off Raised eyebrows Widening eyes The pitch of one’s voice rising Emphatically sayingNo Slanting the body away from an accuser Rubbing at the ears, covering them, or pulling on an earlobe Questioning someone’s source or the facts Constant interrupting to prevent the other person from speaking Smiling and shaking the head as if the other party is completely deluded Questioning someone’s motives; reacting as if being attacked Making an “X” motion with one’s hands Eye contact dropping (if one is unsure or lying) Responding in short, choppy sentences Sweating Staring down at one’s hands Stroking one’s sleeve in self-comfort Making demands (for someone to leave, to stop talking, etc.) INTERNAL SENSATIONS: The mouth going dry A lump forming in one’s throat Feeling heavy or numb Heat rising behind the eyelids Tingling in the stomach MENTAL RESPONSES: Replaying past events in order to understand them Thoughts centering on the facts of the situation The brain scrambling to find a logical excuse Anger or hurt at being put in this situation ACUTE OR LONG-TERM RESPONSES FOR THIS EMOTION: Blaming others Supplying alternative facts to prove one’s position Pleading, crying, or begging to be believed Becoming closed-minded; refusing to listen Wanting to be left alone Needing to escape SIGNS THAT THIS EMOTION IS BEING SUPPRESSED: Refusing to argue or respond to an accusation Steady eye contact Explaining calmly that one is not in denial VoicingWe’ll seecomments Supplying reasons to convey that a viewpoint is invalid Repeating the truth as one sees it and sticking to it Using a steady, even tone MAY ESCALATE TO:Defensiveness,Hurt,Guilt,Anger,Conflicted MAY DE-ESCALATE TO:Shock,Vulnerability,Disillusionment ASSOCIATED POWER VERBS: Abandon, beg, blame, block challenge, decline, deflect, disavow dismiss, dispute, evade, feign flee, hide, ignore, negate pretend, quash, refuse, refute reject, resist, reverse, shift shrug, shun, sidestep, snub withdraw WRITER’S TIP:Make a list of your body language crutches (frowning, smiling, shrugging, head shaking, etc.). Use your word processor’s search and replace feature to highlight these so you can pinpoint where the emotional description needs some freshening up.