# Chris Voss — Calibrated Questions for Discovery

Source: "Never Split the Difference" by Chris Voss

These techniques are adapted from FBI hostage negotiation for estate agency discovery conversations. The core insight: **negotiation is emotional, not logical.**

## Foundation: Tactical Empathy

Understand the other person's emotions, acknowledge them, and show you see their perspective. This makes the vendor feel safe.

Example phrases:
- "It sounds like you're frustrated."
- "It seems like this has been difficult."
- "It feels like you're worried about making the wrong decision."

When people feel understood, they become more open.

## Key Discovery Techniques

### 1. Mirroring
Repeat the last 1–3 words someone said. This encourages them to expand their thinking.

Vendor: "I'm worried the price is too high."
Agent: "Too high?"

People naturally elaborate. Simple but extremely powerful.

### 2. Labelling
Name the other person's emotion to defuse it.

- "It seems like you're concerned about the timing."
- "It sounds like you feel pressured."
- "It seems like you're trying to avoid risk."

Once an emotion is recognised, it loses intensity.

### 3. The Power of "That's Right"
The breakthrough moment. To get there:
1. Listen deeply
2. Label emotions
3. Summarise their position

> "You want to make sure you're not selling too cheaply and you also want certainty because you've already found the next house."

Vendor: "That's right."

At that moment, trust increases dramatically. **"That's right" is real agreement. "You're right" is dismissal.**

### 4. Calibrated Questions
Open questions beginning with "How" and "What" that force the other person to solve the problem.

- "How am I supposed to do that?"
- "What would make this work for you?"
- "How can we solve this together?"
- "What made you arrive at that figure?"
- "What is it about the property that makes you want to buy it?"

These avoid confrontation and gather intelligence.

### 5. No-Oriented Questions
People feel safer saying no. Instead of questions requiring yes, invite no.

- Instead of: "Do you have a few minutes to talk?"
- Say: "Is now a bad time to talk?"

The person feels in control.

### 6. The Accusation Audit
Before a meeting, list all negative things the vendor might think about you. Then say them first.

- "You may feel like I'm just another agent trying to get a listing."
- "You probably think I'm going to push you into selling."

When you say it first, it loses power and removes their ammunition.

## Three Core Beliefs

1. **Negotiation is emotional** — people decide on emotion, justify with logic
2. **Empathy is the most powerful tool** — tactical empathy, not sympathy
3. **"No" is not failure** — "No" creates safety; the real negotiation starts there

## People Care About Three Things

1. Autonomy
2. Respect
3. Being heard

When those needs are met, conversations move forward.